I have slept with other 60 men and no one has a clue. I can't remember all of their names, but it sucks because I am only 23 years old. No one would think it by my lifestyle. I am the apple of my family's eye and my home community's special person. I finally need to just need to get this off my chest so that I can get my life back with God. I suffer from extreme insecurity, but if you look at me you would never know. I had one STD, no pregnancy scares, but now I am left with second-guessing who I am, what I want to do with my life. I can no longer hold a commited relationship without cheating on the person I am with with multiple partners. I am living almost four lives at once and I am so confused right now. I am using this as a way to release whatever I have been hiding. I want my life back. Three degrees, success in life, no children, so much going on...and I cannot get peace. I am determined to have it now.

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Oh my sweet lord I am the exact opposite. Instead of being promiscuous, I am a prude I havent slept with anyone in years. I am the apple of my family's eye, I am the only person in my family to go to grad school (an Ivy League one, at that), and every young person in the family looks up to me. Yet, I still feel empty inside. I cant bring myself to love somebody simply because I believe that I am not good enough. A lot of friends ask me why I dont go trolling for ass every weekend. Its because I am insecure too. And I think about the alternative lifestyle, sleeping with whomever whenever. I thought that it would make me happy, but I am too shy to do it. After reading this entry, that lifestyle seems just as empty as the way I am living now. I think that our problem is that we think love is something that is unattainable, or that we are not good enough to find that someone truly special, because we are not special. So we either try to find it everywhere we can (you) or we neglect it altogether (me). Sometimes I feel that I will die a lonely old man. I sincerely hope that a similar fate does not happen to you.

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