I lost my soul mate.

I never believed in soul mates. I didn't even believe in 'falling in love'.

I'd had long term relationships, known a family, had long standing friends, but I'd never said the L word, never.

I got through my entire teens without ever swooning over a bloke or thinking 'oh my god, I'm so in love', despite being with and even living with one parner for three years.


I didn't want 'love' or to 'settle down'. I didn't want anything, but it came along anyway.

Still, we were together nearly two years, living and working together, before I ever said 'I love you', but I did.

We were one person, whole together. And I loved him to the bone.

We've been seperated almost two years. We still speak, on the phone, via email, through texts, but we can't met.

I've tried to move on, but I spend my life waiting for him to call up, for us to meet, for life to resume.

We're heroin addicts. I got clean and he didn't. I can't be near heroin and he can't be away from it.

Three of my friends have recently gotten engaged. Other friends are already married, have kids, careers, mortgages, take holidays.

I'm a fucking smackhead. I got clean to live, but my life since has been one long wait on the man, my man...my drug, my soul mate. And what scares me more is the phone call that says he's gone forever.

I never wanted to be in love.

Add Comment