Regrets

Barely three days into college and i met the girl whom i thought was perfect in every possible way, and i fancied her, for obvious reasons, and i also loved that she intrigued me quite so much. That was it. She intrigued me! The text-interrogation that helps me gauge people when i first meet them also had me convinced that i liked this girl very much. I wrote a poem for her, about her and she was the first person to hug me in gratitude. This worked wonders in my cold unloved brain. NO ONE had ever thanked me this way, and NO ONE had actually ever hugged me. with the exception of family, but they're obliged to, in a way. And we spent so much time together in college, bunking half the classes in the first two weeks! Some of it was with others around, but with us deep in conversation with each other, and quite a bit of it was alone. I really enjoyed the fact that this amazing girl actually liked spending time with me. No one had ever hinted at that before :/ And then...... stupidity struck me before i could say floccinaucinihilipilification *which, is what i did*. During the third week of college, when i thought the signs she was sending me were indicative of possible reciprocation, i asked her out. Yeah. I jumped the gun just because a girl flirted with me a little. She agreed to us going out. And then she took it back. We remain friends, to this day, but in some part of my mind, i can't help but feel we'd enjoy our company more in a relationship which is not limited to fist-bumps and "aw" s when we tell each other unfortunate things in our days. Oh and one day i invited her, along with a whole lot of collegemates to watch a movie at my house, and things got ugly when there was alcohol involved. Apparently, all that i said, over and over, when i was drunk was "I love ___"; thankfully she didn't ACTUALLY hear me..... she left at dusk with a few others..... but i'm sure someone in our group ratted this out. Things have a way of getting around fast. :/ I don't know what it is that i want from her, or from me. But i know i regret having jumped the gun and for having prematurely killed something which was good for both of us.... Sure, we hang out now, and we're the first college people to see each other every morning, but there's a great deal that's forbidden and unspoken between us. Why did i have to react so strongly to a girl flirting with me? :/ That's what i really hate about myself.... :(

I was 15, I was confused, and I encouraged a 9 year old girl to masturbate.... Her brother of similar age came in and told on us, I was upset but it was brushed off after a day or so as "curiosity on her part" I'm so scared one of them will rember my encouraging behavior. I live with them (like brothers/sisters) but now I'm 17 and I'm so scared that one of them will grow up (soon) and rember their bigger cuson telling her it was ok to play with herself infront of me. I'm sick about what I did and regret it so bad, I was just curious about it because iv never seen "stuff" before then so I watched. How can I approach this situation???!!

I cut myself for the first time last night.
I cried for the first time this year. Not because it hurt my skin, but because everything I do ends up being fucked up. Yeah i'm a teenager. No, my life isn't better than I think it is.
My best friend was killed yesterday. My boyfriend of 9 months broke up with me an hour before I got that news.
My mom grounded me for a month because I got home 2 minutes after my 9 oclock curfew.
Do me a favor and think about what you say before you talk to someone.
A guy called me a bitch cuz I didn't feel like talking to him today, he has a black eye. Thats the first time I've ever hit someone.
:,(

I'm a super senior... last year i tried to finish my senior year but i fell short 1 percent when i neglected to finish a finals project. I know I am so much better than that. I was so freaked out knowing i would have to tell my class i wasn't graduating so i dropped out without telling anyone at school. Anybody would have told you I wasn't the type that would be caught up in that mess. I was well liked and respected everyone no matter what there story was... when i dropped out It was harder than I expected. I planned on just getting my GED and then I'd be on track to start college this year... Friends started asking me questions and eventually i fell apart.. I started dating a boy who lived 2 hours away from me. His family was involved in drugs . I started using and drinking. I needed something to fill a void that i felt. My family had rejected me and I was so disgusted with myself i cried almost every day. It was 10X harder since i Have a twin sister who did graduate. Finally things spiraled out of control and I slowly Didn't come home . My family kicked me out. On that day i decided i needed to go back to school I moved in with my birth mom who i rarely knew in a new town to finish my senior year. I broke up with the boyfriend who was dragging me down and since then I've thrown myself into work and studies... Everybody at my school is really nice but I've made it a point to not tell anyone that I'm a super senior. I know if people find out and start making fun of me for it I could possibly regress like i have in the past. I still feel a giant void in my life. My family I've known all my life doesn't talk to me. I live a giant lie basically. And I have no one to talk to and be 100% honest with. Nobody really knows how much I go through or what i think or what i really care about or basically no body really knows anything... idk. It's just a real struggle day to day. I'm trying to stay positive but it's hard. I have set little goals for myself like i would love to get into a youth group again.. but sometimes life gets the best of me and I can't handle it anymore.

I am living in a city miles away from my friends and family, I've just spent a lot of money on a postgrad course I don't want to do and I'm living with my boyfriend when I'm not sure I love him anymore.

I did all this because my boyfriend wanted to. If I give it all up then I will disappoint my parents, waste their money and break my boyfriend's heart. I try to justify my feelings by blaming him for getting me into this situation. But actually I know it's my own actions that brought me here. And I hate myself for it.

When I was younger I was optimistic, always happy, fun loving and innocent. Just 4 years later, Im bitter and lost and know too much to ever feel innocent again. Im jaded and so angry all the time.


When I see pictures of my younger self, I could cry. I don't know what I could have done to stop me ending up this way, but I wish I could tell her Im sorry for how things are going to turn out.

I regret not getting married even though though i think i never loved him.

My boyfriend and I had sex in the beginning of August. He took my virginity. We were having a bad time in our relationship and I was already beginning to consider breaking up with him, but I got carried away in the moment and so did he.

He told me he needed to talk to me a few days ago, on the last day of August. I knew what was coming. I pulled the, "You can't fire me, I quit!" thing on him and told him that I'm saying it first: I'm ending it.

The thing is, after having sex, I wanted us to work, so badly. I knew were having trouble and falling out of love, but he took my virginity. I wanted us to work it out somehow.

After "breaking up" with him, I went on this furious diatribe at him, saying I never really loved him and he was just there to fill the void that others left. But hell, none of it was true. I just wanted to hurt him as much as I could. It was some crazy defense mechanism kicking him. What hurts me most us that after I said I never loved him, he said, "Oh. Because I did love you. But somehow, it went away."

When we finished talking, I cried all night. I've cried every night ever since. It's the worst feeling, being tired but you can't sleep because you're crying so hard.

I threw away my virginity for this. I should have known better but I didn't. I miss him so much and if he would take me back, I would crawl to him. I just don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. We were friends before we dated. Now, there's this awkward feeling just hanging in the air. I don't want to lose him and I want him back so badly. All those things I shouldn't have said. They were lies. I just wanted to destroy him. I wanted him to feel like dirt so I would feel better. I have never done that to him until that moment. I wish, so badly, that I could have him back. I really did love him, and I still do. But he's out of love. If he feels nothing, we will never work. It hurts so deeply.

I regret making that first cut.

I've been married for a year now, and on the night of my first anniversary, all I could think about was someone else, the man I have been in love with since I was thirteen years old. We once planned on getting married and living our our lives with one another, but life tore our relationship to shreds. I want to be with him again more than words can describe and I feel so trapped and alone.