I am in love with my friend Dennis, and the fact that he lives on the other side of the country from me is killing me. I secretly hopes he reads this.

Acts of Sacrifice: it's tough but we're faking it so the pain won't creep out of our minds and into their hearts. The pain is infectious; and just like any good retrovirus will form a synergy when two divergent elements of each comes together. We stayed apart; 7 months. It mutated well enough, dormant at times, but killed us eventually. But at least, for us, they'd remain blessedfully ignorant.

I'm ashamed to admit that I mildly regret this now. But this remorse will only hinder us from staying the course, no? It is not the type of regret that burns one's soul at the stake, only to be reborn with a fire that nourishes the belly, a syzygy of goodness and faith. This is a selfish regret, and ranks of bitterness and spite. I shall not wander there - it is not part of the plot we've planned.

I want a baby so badly. I see moms all over the place that are struggling with their kids. They're exhausted all the time, but it's always worth it, it seems like. When I look into a child's eyes, I see beauty, truth, and purity. There's no wrong marring their life yet. So beautiful and precious. I want to have children, but I'm affected with several blockades to go that path. I'm so afraid that I won't be able to have kids.
What's so wrong is that I'm not even 18 yet.

I wanted to tell Michelle but I can't. We're not even having a proper friendship now with her half the planet away. But I can't, coz there;s this possibility for us to one day be close again.

So only BC, his doctor friend, you and myself shall know. And that's it. I'll remember, but I hope no one brings it up, ever, again. I'll cope. Or if I end this, maybe not this way, ever, so don't need to check up on me, pls, BC. I'm with family now.

Thank you,

This is the Ultimate Showdown: All the time when I say I want to go home it always mean that I want to go home to them. Home is where the heart, mind and soul are, really. I want to go home to all these dead brothers and fathers because there is really no one else around anymore. I've already met my hell. Please let me go home.

Whenever I wish on 11:11, I wish to be thin.

Last: hadn't slept in three days so mind's goin uber wonky I fell into a short sleep waiting for whiz's class to end. I dreamt Liam came to my workshop and passed me his cancer. I died during my dinner with T. Oh and T had a field day performing the autopsy coz he observed that I've been missing a heart all these times

My greens are now greyish. I found solace in reds because that spectrum is the last to go at times like these...

I don't like my body; I've sworn vengeance on my brain. But if this is a game they're playing at least it's somewhat interesting. Tssk. Two more years.

I hate media lab coz I see you and I want to fuck you and I can't.

Another confession - I use the word fuck so it sounds like it's pure lust whence really there's this strange emotional resonance that you know we share.

Plus I've risked enough already. You're an epic mission fail for me, I thought these thing only happened in movies but it's unfolding now before my eyes. And I don't even care if sparing you was for the greater good. I'm just being ... Emotional. Yuck.

It's terrifying that I've to run away frm your being each time. And I want you all the same. So, bad.

Ah wtf.

the reality besides what these voices tell me: I'm stupid and ugly and I can't cope and I need to escape and I'm stuck and I can't remember things and I forgot your name yesterday, and I didn't remember the word emoticons for three weeks and in my mind I've arrange my slides but I see something else and I forgot to take my meds because I thought I was still pregnant last week, even with an empty womb. I hope Bert is around suddenly. It's never been spoken but he's the only one with balls to help me die really. The rest are fucktards. Altho of course, I'm the baddest of the lot. And you'd agree. And I'd tear apart....


But like I said.... I'm so broken you can't break me anymore. Unless you're into fractal theory, cunt.

My friends boyfriend (Jake) and I liked eachother before they started dating. What she (Olivia) doesn't know is that I stopped talking to him because I wanted them to be together and he tried to get me back. He also talked about me to his friends and liked me a lot. Now his best friend (Evan) told Olivia that he pictured Jake with me instead of with her and she's really freaked out now. The truth is, I kinda like him still. But I'd never take him away from her..But I know he's only dating her because he wants a girlfriend. I'm so confused.

I cheated with my ex-boyfriend long time ago thinking I wouldn't "fall in love " with him..and now..now that he's moved on and has a new girlfriend..I regret every little thing that I've done. He was a good man and it hurts me so bad knowing that he has someone new and that I've been completely erased in his life...